My kid is gone and I'm okay. Really.
The best part: He's so happy.
Whenever Tomas leaves, whether he’s driving away down our street or walking into an airport terminal to catch a flight, my husband always takes a furtive picture of him. No posing, just a click. Andy can be superstitious, so I’ve always wondered if the last-picture thing was a kind of talisman, one more way to wish Tomas a safe journey. When Tomas was a younger driver, it used to make me nervous. Was this the last time we’d see the car he was driving intact?
It happened again earlier this week, as Tomas took a flight headed back to Washington, DC. It was the last time we’d see him for a while. He begins a fellowship next month doing economic development for the government of Lithuania in Vilnius. It’s a dream assignment for a foreign policy and intelligence nerd who is becoming a Baltic expert.
He’s already got his work contract, his Lithuanian apartment, and, for all I know, plans with friends he knows are waiting for him there. As other parents of young adults will attest, there are just certain details you no longer get to know.
And that’s okay.
Really. I’m okay.
Which kind of surprises me.
When he was in college, I’d mope around the house for a couple of days each time Tomas left to go back to school, whether it was after a quick weekend or the deliciously long summer break. We had so much fun when he was home, sitting around the kitchen talking, watching old movies together, walking the dog, cooking. Even if he was struggling in school or recovering from a rugby injury, it was great to have him home. Our conversations were fascinating and I missed him terribly each time he left.
Big milestones were the worst. I had a sobbing meltdown as his dad and I drove home the weekend after he graduated from college. I had this idea that my parenting days were over, that he’d never need me the same way again. Which has actually turned out to be true.
But since he’s moved out for good, something has changed.
I love when he comes home, of course, but I know Tomas no longer really lives here, in our house. Which is exactly as it should be.
He is doing what we raised him to do, and what we did when we were his age. He’s building his own life, the way he wants to, in the places and with the people that he chooses. His interests are different and fascinating and uniquely his own.
And I am here for ALL of it.
It makes me so happy to hear him talk about the different things he wants to learn and do while he’s in Lithuania. I love how closely he follows politics, especially Eastern European and Russian foreign policy. I discovered when he was home this past week that he has a whole watch repair hobby going on, complete with a set of special tools. He mixes a perfect Manhattan. He taught me what open-source intelligence is. And he actually PUT AWAY all of the stuff from his DC apartment, stored in Memphis for whenever and wherever he needs it next.
What I know for sure now is that my parenting days will never be over. But his dad and I and the amazing friends and neighbors and teachers and teammates and coaches and strangers who have shaped his life so far have prepared him for whatever comes next.
That’s why there were no tears for me at the airport this week. Though I may have taken a furtive photo or two.
Off he goes!!! I’m very glad I got to hug him and talk at dinner recently. Very excited for the young lad. He has a strong beginning of his toolkit and doing exactly what he wants to do. Ahhhhh! Bravo parents and Tomas!
I suspect Tomas knows exactly how lucky he is to have parents like you. I look forward to hearing about his adventures!