I hate seeing myself in pictures.

You, too?

I never thought I was one of those people.

You know, the kind who melts into the background — or just walks away — whenever someone starts taking pictures. The person who has to be forced to pose with a group, any group, and would really rather not.

Then one day I realized that it has been nearly EIGHT years since I updated my professional headshot, the image I use on social media and my professional website. It’s been so long that the building that forms the background of my photo – an old warehouse with a cool, graphic mural on the side – has been TORN DOWN.

Me, circa 2016, the year I founded Leanne Kleinmann Communications.

Yeesh. Maybe I am that person, after all.

I’ve been thinking about what that means, and how to make peace with it.

Obviously, I’m older now than I was when that photo was taken. And maybe my comfort level with being photographed all the time is affected by the fact that I didn’t grow up having to be Instagram-ready every minute of every day. (Though being in a sorority in college certainly foreshadowed that feeling. There were plenty of chances to practice posing — and comparing yourself to other people — in those albums of party pictures we pored through.)

And there are plenty of pictures of me over the last years scattered across social media, some even in my cycling gear — talk about comparisons. In fact, the picture, below, taken after my first 50-mile ride with one of my cycling buddies, is one of my favorites. Why? Because I am SO happy. And I got to decide that I wanted this picture taken.

So it’s not just that I hate seeing myself in all pictures. Context — and boundaries — are everything.

But back to my professional images: I now realize that my perception of myself, not including how I actually look, isn’t really all that different than it was decades ago, when I first felt the power of my professional expertise and sat for a professional headshot.

So what is it about some photos that stops me in my tracks? How did I learn to turn away?

My insightful photojournalist friend Karen Pulfer Focht put her finger right on it when I asked her recently how she approaches photo shoots with older women.

The funny thing about pictures is we see ourselves a certain way in our head. But everyone else sees us every day as we are. They know how heavy we are, how old we look, if our skin is not smooth. I will take a picture of someone and I’ll think it’s fantastic and dead-on accurate. I’ll think the subject looks great, imperfections and all, because that’s how they really look. But they might look at the picture and see wrinkles or fat or bad skin or hair. Because we are all self-critical.

I knew a woman who naturally had very dark circles under her eyes. It was genetic, but she had made peace with it. When I photographed her, I worked on the image so that it was not so obvious. I give her credit because she didn’t like the changes. She realized it didn’t look natural, as she knew herself. 

There’s nothing wrong with a nice angle that might be a tad thinning, or a little bit of a filter that might soften wrinkles or smooth skin. But you don’t want to take all those things away to a point where you don’t look like you really do.

Age can be beautiful and full of character. I always love it when I photograph somebody who’s made peace with all of that. 

It’s time for me to think about how to make that peace, to reconcile the image of myself I have in my head with what I see in (most) photos. It’s time to update my thinking. And probably my wardrobe and makeup, too.

Because I want A LOT more professional photographs in my future. It’s part of the reason I started this newsletter, to advocate for the idea that experience and expertise — which shows on our faces, for sure — actually make us more ready to face the next challenge, get the next job or succeed with the next client, not less.

So how do YOU make peace with what you see in a picture? What’s your best advice about learning to look the way you feel, “beautiful and full of character,” as Karen says?

Please share your wisdom — and stay tuned. My updated headshot is coming. Advice about great new backgrounds welcome.