A confession: I’ve always struggled with what to wear.
At the beginning of my career, just out of journalism school as a young magazine editor in New York City, what I wanted most of all was to dress professionally, appropriately, because I thought that was one way to show I was ready to do the (highly competitive) job. I wore shoulder-padded suits and bow-tied blouses and walked to work in Reeboks with my high heels tucked in a tote bag to put on at the office. Is it any wonder Working Girl is one of my favorite movies?
Moving to the South didn’t do much to develop my fashion sense, either. Sticking to conservative coatdresses and pant suits seemed like one way to be sure the fact that I “wasn’t from around here” wasn’t the first thing people noticed about me. And no one ever accused most journalists of being fashion icons (unless, of course, you worked in the fashion press; not much of that in Memphis).
Then came Casual Fridays, followed by whatever we wore every day at home during the pandemic lockdown. Add to that the fact that I often work alone, and I feel like I haven’t thought about new clothes – or found an outfit I truly love – in a long, long time.
I wish I’d met Natalie McKinney sooner.
You may know her as the highly accomplished co-founder and leader of a place-based nonprofit in Memphis called Whole Child Strategies, but her current job title is probably the least interesting thing about her. Natalie is a multi-degreed (Spelman, Berkeley, Princeton) attorney and thinker whose passion for public policy that actually serves children and families has animated her work for decades.
She also loves fashion.
“I got into fashion as a child, as a response to someone saying I was not attractive,” she said. “Then I realized how much I liked it, that I’m good at it.
“People were always saying, ‘Only you could carry that outfit off,’ but I’d say no. You have to decide what you want to wear and then own it. Dressing is my way of expressing myself. It’s my creative outlet.”
Which means that Natalie’s closets are, literally, bursting. That’s why she has recently begun a limited run of weekend pop-up sales – called Nat’s Closet -- to get rid of piles of clothes she no longer wears. (Find the details on her Facebook page.)
“Clothing for me is an expression of self – who you are and how you feel. I’m an emotional dresser, I dress according to my mood,” said Natalie. “I think it’s an evolution of what I’ve thought about for a long time.
“Too many women are told ‘You have this body shape, you should wear this, you can’t wear that’ – and I was the same way when I was younger. There were all these rules. You don’t wear white after Labor Day. Women don’t wear pants. You don’t wear things that are form fitting if you have fat on your body or you’re a certain size.”
Clearly, Natalie has gotten over it. She shows up for an ordinary coffee date in a wonderful, colorful coat, arm full of statement bracelets. Though she understands how the world works.
“Women are our own worst critics,” she said. “First, you doubt yourself, and it doesn’t help when you have other people around you judging what you look like. It’s been an evolution for me, and, of course, when you’re evolving, you’re also aging. This is where I am at 55.
“When I talk to women about fashion, I ask: Who are you dressing for? How do you want to be seen? How do you want to show up?”
I have to admit that those were questions I hadn’t considered in quite a while. But since my conversation with Natalie, I’ve been thinking about the statement I want to make now about myself, at this time in my life. To think about how my clothes could reflect my creativity and passion. To be more confident in my choices – to have a little more fun.
In fact, we have several family weddings coming up, and I’m committed to finding something that makes me feel amazing to wear to each of them. Maybe I’ll even see if there’s anything for me in Nat’s Closet.
Not that I’ll ever look like Natalie, for whom blending in has probably never really been an option.
“As a Black woman, when you walk into a room, people are looking at your color, your gender, what you have on,” she said. “And I like to command a room. Whatever I have on, I feel good in it.”
Maybe I won’t ever look like Natalie, but I can certainly aspire to making sure anything I have on makes me feel good.
You, too? How has your fashion sense evolved? Where do you find your most-loved looks?
And yes, I’ll share my wedding looks – and anything I find in Nat’s Closet.
I also have a fashion crush on Natalie McKinney. Second only to my intellectual crush on her. As for me, I’m glad I chose a career where hiking boots and trail pants are the norm.