When retirement isn't a thing.

And why it's not necessarily our fault.

My friend was testy.

She had just read a link I shared from someone who had recently retired and was writing about fighting her workaholic tendencies, then and now. The blogger had recently stopped working and was trying to learn how to let go of her need to be all things to all people at work, and to re-invent herself.

Photo by Angelina Kichukova on Unsplash

“Thank God I’m a workaholic,” wrote my testy friend after she read that blog post, “because I cannot afford to retire. Am I tired and burned out? Frequently. Would I like to let it go? Many days, you betcha. But I can’t.”

The issue, of course, is money.  And it’s a subject we can’t afford to ignore, though we too often do.

Why? Because it’s scary and painful to be faced with a future you didn’t plan or prepare for. Embarrassing, even. Surely I should have figured this out by now, right?

Well, no. There are systemic reasons women are often left without the choice to keep working or completely retire. It doesn’t just come down to poor planning or bad career (or marriage) decisions.

You probably know some of the context for this conversation already. It’s pretty grim.

Despite some progress, women still make just 83 cents for every dollar that men do, according to the U.S. Census. Which means that a 20-year-old woman just starting full-time, year-round work today stands to lose more than $406,000 in income over a 40-year career, compared to her male counterpart, according to research.

That income gap, along with the fact that women often come in and out of the workforce to care for children or aging relatives, means we have less to put aside for savings and our Social Security checks are (eventually) smaller. In 2019, Bank of America found that men have a median retirement savings balance of $100,000, while women have a median balance of just $30,000.

At the same time, we tend to live longer – the Centers for Disease Control estimates women in the U.S. live about five years longer than men. And after heterosexual couples reach age 64, two-thirds of women will outlive their husbands by almost 12 years.

Whew. All that is why I agree with the American Association of University Women, who conclude their demoralizing assessment of women’s retirement prospects with this call to action:

“American women deserve a secure retirement, no matter what career choices they made during their lifetime. To ensure that, we need laws and policies that will strengthen retirement programs, including protecting Social Security, improving pension benefits and ensuring women receive fair pay throughout their careers to bolster their savings.”

As they conclude: Gender equity is a lifelong proposition.

But we can start by paying closer attention.

To our own retirement planning and savings, yes. What are some of the late-in-life decisions you’ve made to ensure a more comfortable retirement? I’d love to hear your recommendations.

We also need to watch closely the decisions our government representatives are making – or not making – for our future.

But we also need to pay attention to the decisions our friends and loved ones are making to keep living their lives and not assume that retirement is something everyone can contemplate.

From my Testy Friend, again:

“My buddy that took a corporate buyout near retirement age is driving a car six hours a day for a medical services company. A retired teacher friend is Door Dashing. I’m finding things to be excited about in the freelance teaching I’m doing, but I’m also doing some soul-sucking things to get by.

“I work hard at finding the good in my predicament. And I’m not in dire straits. No one needs to start a GoFundMe for me, not that I’d allow that sort of charity anyway. But when people talk about really retiring, I sort of glaze over because it just isn’t an option.

“There are tons of us out here. We don’t feel seen because we aren’t.”

Dear friend, I see you.

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Share your retirement — or non-retirement — story with us, along with recommendations for thinking ahead and living the (later) life you want. Thanks!